I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
