i think my tv is drunk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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