I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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