I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
