you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
