big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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