Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
