Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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