i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
