Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
