Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
