Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
