We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
