Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
