Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
