Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
