Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
