Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
