apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And then my night got REAL pukey
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
