i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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