but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
