I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
