We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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