I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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