I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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