i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So vagazzling was a success
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
