dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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