I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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