walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Text me some of your sweat
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
