It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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