So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
