finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
smell my finger.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
