a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
