My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
