You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
