My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
