goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
