how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
