Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
time to smoke my breakfast
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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