when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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