i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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