i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
