I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
