Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
