Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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