my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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