Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
