The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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