For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
