You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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