MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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