Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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