im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
