Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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