I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
