make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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